I need to whip it out by five. Mind if I use your laptop? Just stick it in my box. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag. I want it on my desk, NOW!!! HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish. It's an entry-level position. When do you think you'll be getting off today? It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits there.

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubberbeing injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple." Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are anufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?" "Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. It pokes a hole in every fourth condom." "Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"
"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

An employee who had a terrible history for taking time off phoned in again one Monday morning: "I'm sorry, but I'll not be able to come in today as I'm too sick." On hearing this his exasperated boss could barely conceal his anger and retorted in a rage: "well, just how sick are you?" "Well" the employee sighed, "I'm in bed with my sister!"

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