A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash. She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls around, leans over, and "Splat! " He pukes all over thedog. The drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of vomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!"

It's forty below zero one winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab." "Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week." "That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall." "But," says Pat, "I don't want any of my friends to see that." "They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid."

The drunk staggered into the bar with a live lobster under his arm. The barman served him very politely."Trash what I like to see," said the drunk, ' a li'l courtesy.Jus' for that , you can have my lobster " "Thank you very much indeed," said the barman."I'll take him home for dinner." "No," said the drunk."He'sh had his dinner.Take him to a show".